Munetsuchi

[Apollymi]

Sakura would be left to mull over the strangeness of humanity at some other time. In the here and now she was greeting her father, who took note of her very specific developments since they'd last seen each other the previous day. Oddly enough, Charles seemed to be quite stiff at his appearance, but she assumed this to be a fairly normal human reaction. She'd witnessed many a human man not know how to speak with the parents of his chosen partner. "Only a little today. I'm quite happy to see you again, Otou-sama~" the girl said. She appreciated his sentiments. That not quite tangible hand atop her head didn't seem to bother her much at all... it was interesting to witness her giving it the general appreciation that one would expect of a hand being laid atop a head. She could almost feel its warmth and always looked forward to the moments when it was 'real'.

Moving on from this point the man explained the nature of a portkey to the girl and she received the information realizing that her own Dark Grail had a similar connection to the Black Room she'd entered with Charles the previous day. He went on to compliment her ability with her grail in the same vein she'd just been thinking of. Her eyes lit up at the prospect and her entire face gained a happiness so easily attributed to the compliment of her work. "Arigatou gouzaimasu! You did say yesterday, but I'm still glad I did a good job, considering yours was the inspiration for the idea.. I was just trying something odd yesterday, I didn't expect it to become such a functional thing," she said seemingly pleased that her father liked her work which was so very inspired by his own. Yes, this was that important and yes, she was truly happy she'd not made something disappointing to any of her parents. Soon after he was answering something unsaid by Charles which was likely in his thought pattern about fixing his potential problem. Good good.

But soon they were moving on to addressing Sakura's most recent question. A bit of happiness fell from the girl's face as her brow furrowed. He was saying that he hated not being able to answer her questions. How odd, she'd only ever asked a few questions which she couldn't get answers for, and now her brows were furrowed and her bottom lip was poked out as she chewed on the inside of her cheek. Was she pouting? She was definitely pouting! "It's okay Otou-sama. I understand... I didn't expect a question I had to border upon spoilers, but if I am getting answers soon... it's fine," she managed, with a small huff at the end. "Now I know how Wu-papa feels," she said a bit down trodden in an innocent and cute way.

[Bloodedge]

A brief exchange with Sakura was something Solomon could make plenty of time for. He was quite invested in her development as well, knowing she was, and would continue to be, one of few among the many in this world. Even on that small list, she'd go on to become an interesting specimen... yet she was claiming she only grew a little today. "It's not so insignificant. You'll find your growth is something beyond the physical and magical. You're on your way to great discovery," he assured.

As per usual, Sakura seemed elated to have her creations appraised positively. When her response was given, though, Solomon shook his head. She had it all wrong. "It was my cooperation with the man you saw that created the first one. In that time, I would not have been able to replicate the Holy Grail purposely, even if I were given a template. You didn't do a 'good' job; you did the impossible," he declared, knowing there was no room for argument within the truth of this matter. Whatever the case, his time was almost at an end here. Though he remained silent, Charlemagne's mind was focused; he understood what must be done. Sakura understood why he couldn't tell her the details about their future destination as well, though she took that knowledge in the huffiest way possible. Solomon had to stifle a light chuckle before it was too late, though he did have a bit more explaining to do. "There there. I believe only one man knows the truth. I cannot tell you because others have not made the discovery. That is all," said the King of Magecraft, set on the fact that he'd spill every bean he had to Sakura... if it were possible.

While the discussion progressed, Charlemagne was collecting the maps and rising to his feet. Once he'd done that, he held out a hand to materialize the Holy Grail. So, he could use it to reach that white room at will, could he? That would be good to know moving forward. While wondering how this transportation would function, he felt a slight pull against his own mana... and the cup began to fill with a glowing liquid. "Alright... that's weird," Charlemagne muttered while staring down into the filling chalice.

[Apollymi]

Solomon had interesting perspectives to share with his daughter about her growth and development. He claimed that such for her wasn't simply something happening as a physical or magical thing alone. She was apparently on her way to a great discovery, that was interesting to think about. She looked a bit contemplative. What kind of discovery was she going to make? What kind of growth was she actually going through? Well, she supposed that part was her journey in life... so she'd take it one step at a time. "Hai, I suppose I can just look forward to it then..." the girl said not truly understanding this but knowing it might become clear eventually.

What was more, there were a few additional comments to be shared about her creation of the Dark Grail. Much credit was being given to Sakura for being able to manage it even without the blueprint and with no actual help and guidance. Solomon claimed he was only able to do so with the help of the man from the white room. That made a decent bit of sense, but it made Sakura feel even better about her abilities. She'd done something impossible. By virtue of that her eyes were practically sparkling. "Really?!" she didn't just do a good job, that made her feel much better. Of course, such commentary helped mediate her kind of huffy attitude regarding the information she wasn't yet allowed to know. "Oh? Okay... well, I wouldn't want to steal someone else's discovery or anything," she said, though she was still a bit pouty, she wouldn't really get in anyone else's way either.

Soon enough, Charles was filling his chalice and it was happening by virtue of his mana. Because of the senses of someone like Sakura she found herself watching the thing happen with a smile on her face. "Sou ka, I suppose it is a cup, filling it to use it makes sense," she commented. She looked at her father knowing he might not have much more to say but it should at least be interesting to go back to the room again. She logged away the idea that she could visit the black one at her leisure as well, and perhaps she would.

[Bloodedge]

Many great things were ahead of Sakura, whether she had any idea what her true limitations were or not. As the child of Arcane Wisdom and all five Myouou, limits would truly be a foreign concept to the girl. He could see a future of unrivaled development ─ a growth into something others were made for, but could not compare to when pitted against a future Sakura. Beyond all that, the boy called Charlemagne would have a most interesting future as a result of their connection. Alas, those were all classified as spoilers, so Solomon would only remain in silent contemplation.

Charlemagne watched the grail fill itself using his mana, then heard Sakura comment on the sensibility of it. As he understood, nothing conscious had been done... but perhaps that was the grail's magic at work, fulfilling his need based on simple desire? That seemed sensible. "I just wondered how I could get to the Nexus, and this started happening," he said, now wondering exactly how this was going to work. For that matter, he looked to Solomon. "Really? You know what to expect by now," the man spoke. Charlemagne was under the assumption that something more than a grabbed hand would be necessary to bring Sakura along as well, and she was clearly intending to join him. "Right. I figured as much," Charlemagne answered with a sigh. Some deviant was responsible for this world; he could feel it in his soul.

Of course, Solomon was lying. Sakura could simply choose to accompany the lad due to their spiritual connection, but... Charlemagne was the type who needed a bit of forceful adjustment at times. As such, some sly manipulation was required to have him drinking from the grail, but holding a great deal of its contents in his mouth. While he waited and looked toward Sakura, it was Solomon who spoke again. "Off you go. Say hello for me," he said while nudging her toward the goofy-looking lad with a mouthful of mana waiting to be shared.

[Apollymi]

It seemed there were high hopes and the like for Sakura by each of her parents. Whether she fully understood what it meant to be a child of Arcane Wisdom or not, she definitely understood that she had more positives associated with her existence than negatives. Her only personal goal at the moment was coming to understand the nature of life as others saw it and perhaps growing her own powers a bit, but this wasn't something she intended to take a lot of time doing. No, she was a girl of simple desires currently and wished only to meet the other goddess and maybe her eventual sister and learn from them what she could. She was not so beholden to the strangeness of others upbringings and as such she could develop as freely as she wished.

Among these developments would be the understanding that Charles could be pretty easily manipulated. Not specifically for nefarious purposes but nudging him into acting a specific way seemed to be rather simple. Her father proved such a thing in the moment by hinting at a way to make his desired outcome of taking Sakura with him into the Nexus work. Sakura had a pretty good understanding of the movement through space given her previous use of it, she knew this wasn't actually necessary. The confusion of it played across her face for a few moments as she looked at her father. Only a moment later though, she'd turn to Charles and see his face, giggling just a little at the sight. "Hai hai, I'll let Ojii-chan know. Ja ne, Otou-sama~" she chimed soon after. She approached Charles rather directly and as he'd already done a bit of the work she decided to relieve him of his burden just a bit, she'd move into him pressing their lips together, intending to share in the mana he was holding but only after another giggle escaped her. This was all a bit too funny.

[Bloodedge]

While Charlemagne stood there feeling and looking like an absolute fool, he began to wonder something. Why was this all necessary? He'd gotten caught up in his first train of thought, but weren't there multiple, simpler ways of doing this? There had to be! No, instead of finding one of them, he was playing the part of an idiot while Sakura laughed and encroached upon him. Her lips were against his before anything was to be done about it, so... he'd do nothing about it. A slip of that mana made its way between his lips and hers, and the rest cascaded down his throat with one gulp.

The moment both parties partook of the grail with a desire to visit the Nexus, they'd find themselves standing before that seemingly middle-aged man once again. Already, he was laughing. "Oh, that's just awesome! You really fell for it!" the man said. Apparently, he'd been watching as Charlemagne was tricked into intimacy. Oh well; it was all for the better anyway. "And you, you devilish girl ─ you knew all along!" The older male was well and truly amused by the time he addressed Sakura. Charlemagne could only spare embarrassment, though... after it was all said and done, he couldn't call himself displeased. Actually, Charlemagne found himself slightly disappointed by how quickly teleportation occurred. It could have taken a bit longer, right?

[Apollymi]

A bit of shared mana between Charles and Sakura was nothing too new or odd. Though she knew it to be an unnecessary thing for what they had going on, she also realized that intimacy wasn't something Charles sought himself normally. She also had some idea that it would be weirder if she didn't accept after he set himself up in the way her father proposed. Perhaps Solomon was secretly a bit of an instigator? Or maybe he just thought the better of a particular outcome in this case.

Regardless she was soon confronted by that middle aged white haired man again. And he was laughing. It seemed that it wasn't just Sakura that found it odd that Charles fell for that sort of thing. She couldn't help but smile about the whole of the situation, even while Charles looked a bit embarrassed. "Ojii-chan I didn't think it was devilish of me. My observations of humans say it would have been odder to not partake," she said though it was misleadingly innocent for her to speak that way. "Oh, and Otou-sama says hi... I'm sure you know that though~" she added. And here they were, the questions and other things to be done here today were Charles's to undertake though hse was quite certain he wanted a longer kiss, perhaps she'd offer him one once they were done? That seemed fair enough, an actual devilish smile came to her face as she considered the option for a few moments in the future whatever that meant.

[Bloodedge]

Three were present, and two of them knew the other had been played for a fool. For just a moment, there was an understanding shared between Sakura and the old god in the Nexus regarding Charlemagne. "It might have been odder, yeah. I learned a lot about humans from that other world, though. They have this whole 90%/10% thing going on, and following that would have given him time to back out like a coward," the male said. Upon hearing that, Charlemagne snapped to. "Woah, wait! Why do I have to be a coward here?" the lad asked, only to receive an immediate rebuttal. "Dude, you were balls-deep in her mouth a few hours ago. It shouldn't take much thought before you decide to kiss the girl."

Of all the time to make sense, of course he'd pick now, with that logic backing his statement. Charlemagne had no chance of a comeback, so he was rendered silent once more while Sakura delivered her father's greeting. "I knew. He knows I know, so I don't really get it. I guess he still hasn't done what he needs before coming back here. Right now... he's still not allowed. Oh well," the man mused.

In the meantime, Charlemagne got his bearings together. This man knew everything happening around them, so surely he knew why they were here. Perhaps it was best to address the point before further awkwardness washed over him. "So uh... about getting in touch with─" "Jeanne d'Arc?" the man interrupted. "Easily done. Jeanne~" he called out. How strange; there was no ritual or magical application of any sort. Apparently, all he had to do was call out a name. Of course, current predicaments demanded that he bring only the woman's consciousness to manifest within the Nexus.

[Apollymi]

Apparently this particular man had a bit to share from being in the other world. Humans there apparently had a way of kissing or starting interactions which had them moving at 90 percent and then the other person meeting 10 percent. That didn't really make sense to Sakura for several reasons. "Humans are so weird... that seems so counterproductive..." Sakura managed. Admittedly in the moment, Charles took issue with being labeled a coward in this particular situation. And the voice of the Nexus came with a rather quick comeback which silenced the young man. "I wouldn't say he's a coward. I did leave him a bit of a room to make decisions but I notice he seems to be quite torn up about it," she mused. That being said humans were quite odd. The Nexus had definitely been right, she'd woken with the lad in her mouth and throat, but he seemed to be a bit anxious about regular interactions.

Moving on from this point, according to the Nexus, Solomon wasn't currently allowed here. "Otou-sama isn't allowed? Why?" she asked seeming to think it an oddity. She already not had one question answered, perhaps this one wouldn't be kept from her. Besides, she couldn't think of a logical reason he'd be disallowed given that one didn't have to have their grail to maintain a connection to this place.

Ah, but real questions were on proverbial table. Jeanne d'Arc could apparently be summoned and it was done with a great deal of ease. How much ease? Soon after Charles had asked about her, she was being summoned with no magical interference required. A girl with silver white hair would be appearing before thm at the sound of her name. In this moment her eyes were closed but she seemed annoyed. Somewhere else in the world, she'd actually just lost consciousness, in hearing her name be called she seemed to be quite annoyed. "What the fuck kind of summoning is this shit? Even Eri-nee's demanding ass has the sense to ask before pulling some bullshit like this!" she proclaimed seemingly quite displeased about being here. And when her eyes opened they were a pale golden color. She was dressed in black with a black bit of armor on ehr forehead. Long locks of white unbraided shifted behind her shoulders. Sakura looked at the lass and found her complaints to be reasonable, and those golden eyes were shifting around the room and rather suddenly a flaming black sword appeared in her hands as her eyes fell upon Charles.

[Bloodedge]

No way was Charlemagne taking part in this. He'd already refrained from an earlier topic that would sully the image of all mankind; he wasn't going to argue humanity's alleged weirdness in a way Sakura would surely consider weird as well. The representation of the Nexus, however, would strangely speak in his defense. "Y'know, I used to think the same thing! It is pretty weird, but it's so awesome once you start figuring everything out! At least that's how I started seeing things," he explained excitedly. How strange, Charlemagne thought. He fully expected them both to be on the same page without much heed paid to humanity's nuances, but that was not the case.

As one might expect, Sakura became curious as to why her father, who established the first official link to the Nexus, was not allowed here. There was quite the story behind that. Knowing she didn't want to be kept from information a second time today, the older male decided to humor her at least a little. "Sometimes the boss just says no. Let's just say he's in a disagreement with someone he hasn't met yet," he said simply. Perhaps that would be enough of an answer, but ah... more imperative things were happening. Jeanne d'Arc had been manifested in a form that didn't quite synergize with the Nexus at base.

Upon hearing that first speech, there was a whistle from the host. "Yowzah! A little less vulgar, and I'd think I accidentally found a way to summon my wife. That's a rough greeting for an old friend," he said in the most casual manner. Well, at least he could remain casual. Charlemagne, on the other hand, could not. He was already seeing Jeanne d'Arc with a much darker visage, demonic by all accounts. That was surprising enough, but when she laid eyes upon him, she seemed ready for battle. Charlemagne figured that if anyone would give him a chance to speak first, it would be Jeanne. That did not seem the case. "Woah, hang on now. That's... not the sort of look I expected to see. Are you a demon? What even happened?"

[Apollymi]

The voice of the Nexus was apparently familiar with humanity on a closer level than Sakura was. This made sense, she wasn't very old and didn't have a lot of experience, perhaps there was some nuance to this 90/10 thing which she simply wouldn't understand immediately. "I suppose it's worth consideration at least. I'll continue observing," the girl managed. This was about the closest she would get to admitting anything like fault. Though she currently still thought humans to be weird and underdeveloped creatures. Moving on from that point, there was the matter of her father being banished from this realm. Apparently, there was a disagreement with the boss, and it was something odd. "You have a boss?" she murmured. That seemed odd, perhaps that was something worth looking into later, but for now there was the appearance of another.

Oh but the oddities were not to be discounted. No. Jeanne was looking in on a group of relative strangers. The voice of the Nexus was at least something she recognized by sound alone, though his visage was also on recognized it wasn't one she'd had contact with. "Oh? Is that the face you have... haven't seen you before, but fine... Well... fuck that isn't exactly true. I know who you are, weird that you'd call me here for this," she said of the Nexus. Jeanne had no real comments about anything else, well... perhaps she did but they weren't something she could get through with the amount of anger she suffered from. "This isn't a rough greeting. I'm going to skewer him," she stated as if it wasn't obvious enough, her sword rose once more her eyes locked on Charles. He hit her senses as a certain former patron of hers, so... she'd kill him and rid herself a problem she was having. Perhaps this was a present from the Nexus, a thousand years is a long time, but she wasn't one to be picky when it was Christmas. She loved Christmas. But wait, there was something being said now, he asked if she was a demon? He asked what happened? Near maniacal laughter escaped the young woman as she heard these strange questions. "Demon? Hell no... your fucked up senses have nothing to do with me. I'm Dragon Kin, as for what happened..." she paused that laughter taking her over but Sakura looked at her strangely. "I was burned at the fucking stake!" That was it the entire reply. He even had the audacity to keep perpetrating that lie about her demonic influence. The number of grievances she'd experienced were far too high, she couldn't let it go. Sakura for her part in this seemed to have a much better understanding. "She has Oyaji's aspect but... she doesn't feel like him," she said easily making a comparison between Jeanne and her actual demonic father. Ah, but there was something else, she felt like something Sakura hadn't actually sensed before, that was odd. Well, a bit untrue, it felt a bit closer to the girl with the antlers.

[Bloodedge]

Did the Nexus have a boss? Naturally. He was here to oversee, to ensure the 'system' functioned as intended on behalf of those who were fit to rule. "I have two. I'm done being in charge," he said with certainty. Frankly, he never considered himself suited to that sort of thing anyway; it was much more his brother's cup of tea.

Nevertheless, Jeanne recognized him... twice, it seemed. She may have been wrong about why he called her here, but that matter wasn't his to sort out. As such, he sat and smiled, even waving at the woman. "It's always been this face. Nice seeing ya' without just being a voice in a big white box," he greeted more officially. Now then, what would he be seeing unfold? For starters, hearing he was going to be skewered was something Charlemagne figured was worth arming himself over. That new sword of his was unsheathed at long last, its holy aura boasting the light of a rainbow that encased the blade. He wouldn't think of attacking Jeanne d'Arc, but the need to defend himself was becoming obvious.

Jeanne rejected the idea of being a demon. She claimed to be Dragon Kin, which was true based on how similar she was to a certain Dragon Knight, but... that didn't change the facts. Charlemagne came to understand in recent days that 'demon' and 'evil' were not synonymous at all, so his senses on the matter were without the bias they once had. "Well, sure... but you're definitely still a demon. That's demon energy," he insisted, though there was a certain deference in the lad's tone. Sakura compared the feel of Jeanne currently to her demon father in a way; he could agree to that. As for what happened with Jeanne, obviously she was burned at the stake. Did she mean to say that was the reason for this transformation? "That happened. Yeah, that definitely happened. I've been looking into that whole situation recently. This doesn't seem like how you'd respond to that, though. . ."

[Apollymi]

According to the Nexus it had two bosses, it didn't want to be in charge. "Hm, well I suppose that makes sense..." Sakura murmured. It was strange to her that the voice inside the white room didn't want to be in charge. But the Nun inside the black room had called this one her father, so perhaps he'd been in charge for a while. Maybe making the big decisions wasn't at all what he intended. That at least made a reasonable bit of sense. As this conversation progressed apparently the Nexus was pleased to see Jeanne, and if she didn't have a singular person's death on her mind, she would have been fairly pleased to see him. After all, she spent a great deal of time talking to this man over the course of her life, since she got her hands on her Holy Grail. Though her current self didn't commune with him at all, she still had fond memories of doing so. "Yeah that's pretty cool. I didn't think I'd end up talking to you before... well being done," she mentioned. She had a task, and the task would need to be handled before she thought herself capable of communing with the Nexus properly.

As for her current existence, Charles still thought her a demon, but she truly wasn't. Regardless of how her energy felt, it wasn't demonic in nature, well... not evil at all but that wasn't even something she apparently needed to explain. There was a certain amount of deference in Charles, and she realized that even as she prepared to strike. Oh, and he'd gone on to arm himself. Good, no complaints from her sister. That sword in his hand was definitely Anu's sword as well... he wasn't at all doing a good job of making himself seem less connected to the thing she was out to kill. Ah, but Jeanne was left with interesting information. According to Charles he'd been looking into her death by burning and this transformation didn't seem like the kind of response she'd have to it. In this moment the girl looked genuinely surprised. So very surprised. How did he think she was going to respond? "Oh? And what did you expect? Did you expect me to forgive? How much of his bullshit was I supposed to forgive?!" she asked, he claimed to have looked into it, but he couldn't have done it properly if he wondered why she was this?

"I was purposefully... sent on a mission which allowed me to be captured, tortured and raped. I suppose I should forgive that..." she said with strange calmness. "I was imprisoned upon my return and given an ultimatum for cleansing which I under went even though I was the one wronged... I suppose I should forgive that treatment," she gave as supposition. "I was set up to be attacked even while in custody to the point that I had to defend myself... so I should forgive that as well?" she continued her rant. "Or should I forgive the false trial which convicted me?" she asked again. "Or maybe I should forgive actually being burned at the stake no hard feelings?" she said. "Or... should I be forgiving the fact that he did it all to take back the Divine Core he gave me?" she was still rambling with her questions. "Or maybe, just maybe... I should be forgiving him fucking stealing my Holy Grail and dragging my name through the mud?! Tell me Chuck how many of these things am I supposed to fucking forgive? Because I can't forgive any of it!" Sakura listened to this woman's story and understood them all, it seemed that long before broken Charles fell into Munetsuchi... the god known as Anu had wronged someone who used to be really nice. That was why this girl reminded her of her father, she seemed to have chosen the darker path, but not enough to become a demon in the literal sense.

[Bloodedge]

Upon hearing that this version of Jeanne wasn't expecting to meet with him, the man behind the Nexus only smiled silently. Her ability to be here in this form was all thanks to someone else standing in this very space. Ah, but he wouldn't be saying anything about that just yet; that would just spoil a few developmental moments. Things were about to become interesting so long as he kept his mouth shut.

The way Charlemagne saw things, Jeanne had every right to be furious over her own demise in Aincrad. On the other hand, this was a step far for being falsely painted as a heretic. In granting all the missing details of her case, however, Jeanne wondered if forgiveness was expected of her. She was captured, tortured, raped, and then forcibly cleansed upon a subsequent imprisonment. The way it sounded, Father An sent her out for that exact purpose. Even while imprisoned, she'd been tortured. All of that led to the false trial he'd known was such since the previous day. The more Jeanne spoke, the more contorted Charlemagne's face became. Everything accumulated into a single truth: that An did all of that to reclaim a Divine Core, which he'd been the one to grant her initially. The god in disguise had even stolen her Holy Grail, which he also understood now.

With all of that said, what did Charlemagne expect her to forgive? Given the intensity of Jeanne's rant, she may have found his answer surprising. "None of it," he said plainly. By then, Charlemagne was lowering that glowing blade bit by bit. "I didn't say forgive anything! But you're the Queen of Saints, right? You can't just go on a warpath and hate-murder someone. The fact that you raise a weapon to me after a thousand years says it all; you're not in the right state now!"

[Apollymi]

After all she had to say Jeanne was still ready to kill Charles, but that wasn't really something which would immediately happen. Even as her current self, she wasn't exactly like her sisters were or anything. She'd kill those who'd wronged her and those who wronged others. Besides, they were at least acquainted before, so what would he have to say about this? She was the Queen of Saints, she couldn't go on the warpath, she couldn't hate murder someone? "Non." this was what Jeanne had to say about her current state and his ideals about her current desire. "The Queen of Saints and everything good about her burned at the stake..." she reiterated her point. "I'm the Dragon Witch and I can in fact take the warpath and I can absolutely hate-murder the piece of shit who burned the nicest version of me to cinders, for something that same version would have freely given him!" she expressed. "And you feel like him! You're brandishing his weapon... and to me you're the one infected by that which harmed me. So am I wrong for pointing my blade the one place it wants to go more than any other?"

Ah, Sakura understood now. It was this one's strongest desire to kill Anu who had wronged her and reclaim what was hers. With this being what she felt strongest about, her new form was something much like she saw her father Mugen. In fact she could think about how her father would have described it. "Sou ka, Oyaji would describe her as... someone who took Karma into her own hands. Well, at least that is the case if I understand it correctly, you became this to carry out the desire your other form wouldn't have, to murder the man who murdered you. And Char-kun piques your senses like he does... so weapon first questions later," Sakura surmised. She liked this girl and she was sure she'd seen someone like her in her prophetic dreams somewhere. In that moment Jeanne's eyes shifted to the girl in the room, for several reasons not the least of which being she bore a bit of a striking resemblance to some familiar faces. Beyond that she'd read her pretty honestly whether she'd admit it or not.